I am waiting for the text message that might never come tonight. What are they doing at this very moment? My mind is cluttered and sweat forming on my palm as I write only intensifies the smell of the cigarette I held just minutes ago. I think I need to go brush my teeth. My boss, who doesn't smoke, might be offended by the smell. It would be very embarrassing I reeked of bitter herbs. I should stop smoking. But there isn't anything else left to do here. I am bored. Multiple jobs and still I think my life is uneventful. I wonder what will make it whole again. Perhaps him. But he who claims to be mine is not really mine, at least on paper. And he is not leaving her. I understand why. For the meantime, I am okay with playing second fiddle until my time comes. Or until someone else comes. The situation makes me feel sick, but his total absence will cause me to die. Choices. This time, I only have one. Either I endure loving while suffering, or I disappear into nothing.

Again, until something or someone comes up.