I don't know what I'm supposed to feel right now. Yesterday I was fine, but today, there is that gnawing feeling within and the restless desire to just walk absently along the crowded sidestreets of Makati and disappear. I dread having to be away from him indefinitely. This person has become my source of strength and inspiration and everything else that allows me to be a functioning human being. And now, Fate seems to threaten us with his departure. Back to Canada. Possibly, for an unknown period of time.

I don't want to think about it and if it would happen and when. I just know that when he leaves, it will be the end of my smiles. It would be the primary reason I would finally decide to go back to Davao. His mother is in the hospital. She popped a nerve in her brain in what we suspect is aneurysm. We haven't heard from his sisters yet, so we don't know what's happening there. All I know is that when he found out what happened, tears streamed down his cheeks, and I couldn't help but allow mine to do so, as well. I did not know what to say to him. Deep in my heart, I knew she was okay. The mere fact that his sisters were still at work and did not find the extreme urgency to rush out of the office to the hospital gives me confidence that all is well and there is nothing to worry about.

I understand that, if needed, he will have to go back to Canada to be with his parents. Perhaps it's also a sign that I do the same with mine. I'm just so scared to not see him for a while. His face has grazed my every day and allowed me to move forward strongly despite the scratches. But if it has to be done, then it has to be done. And if fate brings us back together again, whether in the Philippines or somewhere else, it will only be then we will prove that we are, indeed, meant for each other.

For now, I pray that things don't have to take a sudden turn. Not just yet. I'm not ready.