5 more days till they arrive. During which, I expect to be an entirely different person.

My family hasn't been in Manila for almost 7 years. Like the typical lot from a relatively stress-free metropolis, I expect them to be in awe of this place. I wish I could tell them over the phone that there's nothing all that interesting in this part of the archipelago. I've been living here, independently, for quite a while already and my fascination has waned to just a slight appreciation of the hustle and bustle, of the fast-tracked lifestyle.

As a child growing up in Davao City, I used to think of Metro Manila as the place to be if I want to live "the life". I added years to my age believing that I would happier here, that it offers everything I could ever dream of. It does not. Not when you're away from the people you love and would truly support you no matter how messed up your choices are.

I miss them and the concept of their arrival and of seeing them fall in love with the city they all think is so fascinating gives birth to waves of nervousness in me. You see, the way I act here is polar to how I am when I visit home. It's the thought of having to change my ways, my language, my manner of walking, my usually blunt comments whenever I'm around them that spells unfamiliar territory. I will be in a city all too familiar to me, that which molded me into the gung-ho type; yet I have to act as if I was still same upright angel they thought I still am. And so I have to prepare for one of the biggest performances of my life. Just thinking about it makes me feel nauseous.

Mixed feelings, actually. I am not really prepared to face them when I am like this. Not in my territory where everyone else around me knows I am somebody else. Should I just be myself and expect not to shock them? Should I just go on with my typical life, always out at night, almost never showing emotion and merely breezing through the daily grind? It will be downright difficult. I can picture it now.

And it scares me.