I just discovered something about me and my writing habits.

I CANNOT WRITE WITHOUT THE COMPANY OF PEOPLE. I CANNOT WRITE IN TOTAL SILENCE.

This I discovered when I trapped myself in solitary confinement last night, in an attempt to meet all my writing deadlines. I had all my materials arranged within my reach. Nestled on the sofa bed, pen in hand, lighting in perfect angle, airconditioning in full swing, I posed to write. BUT I COULD NOT. The silence was deafening. It felt too empty. My mind felt like a vacuum, as well. All the creativity in me were locked away in some unknown place. I struggle to find where I could dig inspiration, but I could not. The only thing silence gave me was a feeling of emptiness. It reminded me more of how lonely I was. It danced around me and hummed annoyingly, mocking me. "I am here, yet you could never hold me. Try gripping and I will only slip through your hands." My muse has rebelled against me.

Perhaps a walkman will be answer to my dilemma. Perhaps it will reverberate louder than the voices in my head telling me I am too uninspired to write. 5 countries to write about. 5 pages each. An article for indiefilipino (one I kept putting off for another day, for which my editor already confronted me and gave me a sort-of ultimatum). All due on Saturday.

Today is Thursday. I anticipate going home to a quiet house. I do not own a walkman.

I am to fight my demons again tonight.