I do not wish for drastic change. Only an assurance that once I finally decide to seek another source of happiness, it won't be as difficult as letting go. Last night, I told him I wanted to leave, for which, in his heart screamed objection, but he outwardly supported. Funny. I wish he had more balls to come up and tell me he cannot live without me.

But no. He is much too proud to admit that. I should know. I lived with him for over 3 months. Him and I once played house. And, then, it was the most fulfilling, self-nurturing experience of both our lives. Now? I do not know.

We are but participants in the idea. Because he chose to live with somebody else, albeit claiming to be in love with me. For this, I am chained. And probably angry, I wouldn't be sure at this time. I try to elevate my pride to meet with his. Or, maybe, go beyond his. So that I would have to courage to bring one foot out the door of our imaginary existence and face mine.