paranoia

I hope I'm just PMS-ing. The past few days have been hell for me. For one, I almost think I lost the person who meant so much to me. Right now, I really don't have answers to my own questions. And I don't have any idea whether he really has chosen to live a life separate from mine, or that he just needs time to simplify his life.

I do understand what he's going through. Maybe sometimes, I get too selfish and think of how his absence impacts on myself. Whatever it is, it's not good for us. And since it's already there, the best thing I can do is deal with it and wait. I wrote something about him on my journal last night, which I intended to bring to the office today to upload on my blog. But I forgot to bring it, so I'm guessing it's not meant to be posted here.

I pray things get better soon.

My laptop is still out of order and it makes my bare room more depressing than ever. I used to drown myself in vcds and games whenever I felt bored. But now, all I could do is shut up and stare at the blank walls again.

I also have been picking fights with a lot of people recently. It's odd because I get these flash moments when I think nobody gives a shit about me. Maybe that's why I get all these ideas in my head. Maybe that's why I believe the world has conspired against me.

I wish this is just PMS.