I probably should attend the Pinoy Writers EB on October 18. It would be refreshing to finally meet the people behind all the emails I've been receiving for the past months. At times, I regret not being active in the discussions. I feel as if everyone's friends with everyone already. It could get awkward and I would feel out of place.

But why should I? I have been reading their mail and what's happening to their lives every single day. You must know that PW members are very prolific writers. And I don't mean artistic pieces. I mean they actually have the time to write lengthy emails about anything that can be discussed. From publishing rights, legalese, personal experiences and even GMO.

What have I to contribute to that? I consider myself a rather private person, albeit loud. Talking about my personal life with people I don't know is a little taboo. It's funny because I can't even write about such events. I keep them all in this little nook called my brain.

Attending the EB would probably be a liberating experience for me. But, as I told one of my friends, writers honestly don't enjoy being with other writers. Most of us prefer solitude and recluse. I should also mention that writers are very egotistical. They don't like being placed beside fellows because each believes that his/her work is totally different from another. I do believe this. There is no point of comparison. I fear that the EB would only be venue to show off. That's what usually happens with meetings like that. People come and wear their badges of recognition so conspicuously so everyone would see what he/she has accomplished so far.

I do not say I am an exception to this. More often than not, I come to a writers' meeting prepared to machine-gun-fire them will all my credentials in 3 minutes. I hope this wouldn't be the case with the PW EB. I'd like to see fellow writers who are genuinely concerned with helping others develop their skills. I also hope to see less sycophants in the scene. Those who gush all over you, saying "Oh my god, so you're X! I think you're work is really great! I mean, like, wow!"

I do love the attention but sometimes it can get sickening. Especially when I know the piece they're raving about did not even pass my personal standards and was only written and published because it had to be there. I don't appreciate fandom too much. I'd prefer they stop gushing and start writing their own sets of articles.

I'm straying from my topic. But, well, I don't really have a topic today. I just need release from all the stress I've been having recently. I write in the hopes that lexical release would relieve me of the flu. And I write because I have something to write about.