Life is lived one step at a time. I have been attempting to face it head-on for years now, but I always fail. I may struggle to live against the tide, hoping, somewhere in me praying, that my so-called individuality will save me from the "wrong" things I do, but in the end I am but a follower. Because society has rules. If I don't abide, I falter. I'd rather live a tumultuous life forever judged, than die without any victory or pain to speak of.

You may think you can do it. But I can do better. The first time. All the time.

Trudging hesitantly toward the elevator doors, she breathes a heavy sigh. "If only...", she thought. Her mind refused to leave the scenario which brought both of them to near-criminal levels earlier that night. She could still smell the most blatant piece of evidence. Anybody like either of them would know, but nobody would dare speak or comment about it. A smile rises to her lips as the steel doors open, shedding intense white light all over her, welcoming her like an empty soul into blissful eternity. "There is life after death." She steps in and waits to reach 5th floor heaven.

Time had, indeed, changed him. He used to be so wrapped up in his own promiscuous existence, that he failed to look beyond what he can easily see. Perhaps the months have altered him. Perhaps it was due to another broken heart. Whatever it was, I saw change in him. He has morphed into a person worth talking to, and worth speaking about. I silently congratulate him for his higher step to maturity, and secretly envy him for being content with his life.

Funny how my friends seem to have everything going for them now. While I watch from a distance, still counting my eggs before they hatch.

First day at FT. Status report.

So far, things are going really well, though my new officemates are not exactly the friendliest people in the world. I figured it's just the first day jitters. They probably feel as awkward as I do. I do think my job is quite difficult. I'm not business graduate and here I am as an abstractor of an international newspaper. I'd like to feel I am worth the recognition the firm has awarded me. I need to remind myself to start reading up on business jargon from now on.

Writing Fix: "Write a letter to the first person (not a member of your family) you ever kissed."

Dear R,

Yours was the tongue that led me to the person I am - spontaneous, wild, free. I remember how I frantically searched for that tiny piece of chocolate in your mouth, only to discover sweetness that goes beyond all the sugar in this world. My eyes flutter at the thought of the scene. You have introduced me to heights I have never known with just one kiss. Why I chose to leave, I cannot explain fully. Then, I thought the relationship was getting too emotional for me to bear. I was young and I didn't know any better. I'm sorry I hurt you.

But I did not forget.

V