Me?

Paranoid - Very High
Schizoid - Moderate
Schizotypal - Very High
Antisocial - High
Borderline - Very High
Histrionic - High
Narcissistic - Very High
Avoidant - Moderate
Dependent - Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive - High

Take the Personality Disorder Test

Star Struck

I so envy Animator! Imagine having the chance to rub elbows with GMA stars almost every Saturday! Argh! Last night I heard him talk to his officemate about Zoren Legaspi's shot or Carmina's whatever and having lunch across DingDong Dantes and Victor Neri! I'm not a fan of these people ha, but just the thought of being with artistas gives me the shivers. And guess what, he doesn't even give a shit, nor is he impressed. Oh, pa-cool! He's not even a little starstruck!

Sana ako na lang. Boo hoo.

Animator and the company he works for are responsible for all the 3D effects of GMA's Kakabakaba Adventures. As much as I loooooove his work, I don't watch the show often because of the bad acting from most of the cast. Halos lahat baguhan kasi. Calling GMA! We need better actors here!

Road Rage

I have fallen in love with go-kart racing. I realized this the first time I felt the tires skid as I flirted with the brakes approaching a sharp turn. There is something wildly erotic about speed, you see. It elevates me to places higher than when I got my first gold medal in nursery school or when I experienced my first real kiss.

I used to date someone who raced at the lengthy stretch of concrete in Libis. That was before the police got wind of the after midnight sport. But then, I was a mere spectator. Watching my man and his baby slice through the night's wind at gazillion kilometers per hour made my heart skip beats. I vowed never to try the so-called sport ever.

But this was different. I was the one driving. And it wasn't just a car. It was too small a machine that my body nearly touched ground and I was close to lying down while driving. When my right foot bore down on the accelerator, it stuck there and I found my soul blending beautifully with the whirring sound and screeches.

I had seven laps. My passenger was nearly out of her wits. But underneath my helmet, I was smiling like a madder than mad Cheshire cat. She must hate me for nearly having her killed.

I resolve to say goodbye to my couch potato lifestyle and push myself to hit the road. Hey, it may not be as maddening as Metro Manila traffic but at least I get to drive around at 120km/hour. I'd take life threatening speed over snail's pace and morale killing traffic anytime.

Written Jan 7, 2003 10:00PM

Odd Christmas Present

My sister must have thought me nearly devoid of emotion when she decided to gift a book titled "Why Am I Afraid To Love?" for Christmas. I take no offense, really. I am sure she meant well. But the question haunts me as to why this book, above all others. Was it because she had no idea what to get me, hence, settling for the safest, and probably cheapest, book she absentmindedly snatched from a shop? Or was it because she actually knew what the book contained and thought I deserved an upper for the holidays?

Admittedly, I have not turned a single page of the book. I am afraid to know what lies beyond the poorly designed paperback cover (I wish the publisher had spent more time with it). Why Am I Afraid To Love was written by a Jesuit priest. Very Atenean. I assume it to be saturated with life’s lessons and references to the Almighty, as regards His undying and unconditional love. Hmm. Maybe it is my sister's way of telling me to stop worrying about men and start turning my attention to Him.

It has been a while since I attended mass.

For those who have been following my blog since Make Lemonade and Skeletons In My Closet, you would know I really do not have much praise for the Catholic Church. As a disclaimer, let me first say I do believe in a God. I just do not believe in memorized chants recited once a week for an hour. I do not believe that being able to word out these prayers without fail will redeem me of my sins. I do not support such hypocrisy. I pray in my own time and in my own way.

The book lies near my feet right now. I am tempted to thumb through it just so my theories would be settled. But I guess I will just have to put it off for another day. Perhaps when I am more sane. I am not procrastinating at this point. I just find the book too sacred to be treated as toilet reading or something to help me go to sleep.

Besides, my sister gave it to me. And such gift from a good person is meant to be enjoyed with a clear mind and a content heart.

What Men Want (?)

According to a friend who refuses to be named, the top 3 sexual fantasies men generally have are the following (in no particular order):

A threesome (with two hot women), a teacher-student affair, office sex

We're dealing with straight men here, so it has to be two women (so I was told). Mild bondage is welcome but what would really take the cake is seeing the two hotsies pleasure each other.

A teacher-student affair need not be taken literally. It can simply mean an encounter between a man and a woman with a wide age gap in between. Of course, some guys would want to have their professors, but that's the ultimate. Some settle for the 20-year-old guy 30-year-old woman or MILF affair, while some prefer the Lolita version, with a near geriatric male (okay, okay middle-aged male) and a teenage girl.

Office sex is probably the most daring among the three (in my opinion). Imagine having it casually with a person you see almost everyday and pretend nothing happened. The possibilities are endless with this type, actually. Especially when the office has a lot of secret nooks and closed doors. I was told this is most enjoyable when there are many gadgets lying about. I remember watching 40 Days and 40 nights where Josh Hartnet's officemate photocopied her ass. Wicked.

I'm sure there are more fantasies out there that are milder or even more perverse than these three. But if I were to ask any guy to come up with their top 3 in 5 seconds, two or even all three would definitely come up.

Thanks to you, J.P., for the tip. Will write about this in an alternate blog in the future. This is highly unsafe territory. Har har har!

What I Get From Reading Entertainment Columns

Ruffa's heckler mom Annabel Rama owns more than Php8m worth of jewelry?? Wow, her underground escort business must have really made a lot of gold. Or were they from the Sultan of Brunei?

Which reminds me, one of Ricky Lo's Star articles months back talked of Ruffa demanding she be called either Mrs. Bektas or Mrs. Ylmaz Bektas. Has she gone that high up the social ladder already? What happened to plain old Ruffa Gutierrez? Is her real name suddenly not good enough for her anymore?

Aha, so rumor has it that Alicia Mayer (aka Alicia Bonifacio) has an ex-husband whom she owes a lot of money to. This same guy reportedly revealed that Alicia was not a model in Hong Kong, as what she has been telling the press previously. According to him, she made money being a high class hooker.

So what else is new? A lot of students from our most reputable schools are also high class prostitutes, or escorts. Yes, these are rich girls with creamy porcelain skin who just need extra cash for their many luxuries. Even some ramp models. Even our virginal-looking celebrities. This is what the world has become.

Everything is driven by sex, whether we admit it or not.

Intelligence

They say intelligent people talk about ideas, because idiots talk about people. Does my being interested in the lives of high-profile personalities make me an idiot? I think not.

Let's put it this way, I am in constant search for truth. And truth is everywhere. In books, in television shows, in daily routines. As humans, we study how others behave in order to learn from them. We see how other people react to certain situations and observe the pitfalls so we would be able to evade the same fate (if negative) or seek it (if positive).

If this is what partly characterizes being human, then all of us are idiots.

Note:
The book is still staring at me from 3 feet away. I think I should take heed to its call.

One of the greatest authors I've ever encountered –

Praemoedya Ananta Toer.

My Humanidades II professor (years back) introduced me to him through This Earth of Mankind. He makes Paolo Coelho read like an amateur.

Cooking Lesson 1

When cooking adobo, make sure the amount of vinegar you pour into the mix is proportionate to the amount of soy sauce you drenched the meat with. Use a measuring cup, or anything that resembles it, to do this. Do not assume you are a cooking guru, or that you are related to Ming Tsai, and pour the liquid seasonings directly from the bottle. You will not succeed.

Okay so I attempted to cook pork adobo last night. I would have waited for my valiant cook to arrive but seeing that it was already 10pm and he has not shown his shadow, I braved the wild. The result, an dish looking like adobo but tasting like vinegar. Yes, folks. I put in too much vinegar into it, forgetting that it does not evaporate when boiled. And no, not even water saved it.

So when THE COOK finally arrived an hour late, he had no choice but accept that I was a cook out of practice (I don't want to say terrible, because it really wasn't that bad). Lucky for him, I churned a safety-net dish in the form of sauteed sayote with ground beef. At least the latter tasted decent.

We decided to overhaul the adobo dish the next day by adding liver spread to it. The sour taste was still there, but heck, it doesn't make us gag to death anymore. The revived adobo became brunch and almost earned is place as my baon for the day.

But I didn't bring baon anymore. I am supposed to be on a diet and I again cheated by popping two chocolate bonbons from our boss this morning. I wonder if Animator ever reads this blog. He would be furious when he finds out I have not been faithful to his decree.

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Today like no tomorrow?

On another note, one of my old crushes called me at the office today. Should I believe him when he tells me he just wants to hear my voice? haha! How very high school, but I was Kilig nevertheless. He asked me out to dinner but I politely declined. Gone are the days when I juggled dates. I am now committed, thank you. (Though sometimes, I can't help but wonder... what if...)

After all, I'm young and have my whole life ahead of me. Should I have said YES? Dinner lang naman, di ba?

Mantic, but Frantic

Before I boarded the plane back to Manila, I somehow knew that it was going to be a relatively stress-free January compared to 2003.

First, I began to master the art of putting money aside for the rainy days. From what I have heard from my finance-conscientious mother, repeatedly till my ears rang, money does not grow on trees. And since it doesn't, you have to shed sweat, tears and even blood, to get it. In her words, "How can you ensure a bright future when you only have as little as a maintaining balance in your ATM account?" She is the guru of financial handling. I had to listen to her or die in debt.

Second, I started realizing that Animator is not as weird as everyone thinks he is. In fact, he is probably one of the nicest guys I've ever shared a lollipop with. The good projects coming his way reflect his good nature. And, well, his good nature affects my mood. In short, I began the year with a smile on my face. If I were to be faithful to Chinese beliefs, a smile at the beginning of the year means more smiles for the rest of 2004.

Third, I seem to be more inspired to write. I recall 'writing more' as one of my resolutions. It's high time I get those ideas out of my head and onto paper. It's time I break out of my shell and mingle with people who have more experience than I do and stop being such a frigid bitch when it comes to advice.

Fourth, I have a feeling that money won't be that elusive anymore. This relates to my developing saving prowess, which I pray (and will even offer a virgin IF I find one) will continue until the day I die. In addition, I heard that the office raises pay every January and July. Even a measly one is enough to raise my spirits. Better that than nothing, right? I am so thankful I didn't splurge during the holidays. So, yes, my 'katas ng Pasko' is still intact, and I intend to leave it untouched until my birthday. That's 6 months from now.

Today, I relish the thought of having a good year ahead.

---

However, on a sad note, I still haven’t enrolled in the gym. And I snuck one bite size bonbon into my mouth just minutes ago. The no-sugar diet for two weeks is harder than I thought. And it's only my second day. Boooooo!

Back from Durian land and again thrown into the tar pit of despair. I am not one to make New Year's resolutions, but for the monkey's moment, I am making an exception.

I resolve to look better in the first quarter, with my weight significantly lower and skin a hell lot clearer. I will start going to the gym and eating less sweets.

I resolve to be more diplomatic and less critical of other people. If I don't like the person at all, instead of hurling obscenities, I will choose not to talk.

I resolve to be more conscientious with my work and write more publish-worthy pieces. Related to my penchant for putting things off till another day, I will struggle to halt being a procrastinator and unmaster the art of cramming. (Though I admit this to be very difficult)

I resolve to be less vengeful. Though I may not be able to forget, or forgive, the people who have caused me harm in 2003, I will try to muster the courage to just walk away and pray that it will be enough to hurt them back.

I resolve to stop whining about how my life sucks, because I just realized, after spending the holidays with my family, that I have so many blessings in life. And that I am fortunate because a lot of people have it worse.

Finally, I resolve to be more resilient and optimistic. I know that this year is yet to unfold itself and it could be teeming with difficulty, but I have to raise my head up and go on living. For the few people who truly care about me and especially for myself.

I am thankful for the friendships gained. I am grateful for the headaches lost.

Happy New Year to all!